Changing Family Dynamics

If you grew up in a household that did not give you a feeling of safety and well being, you have some choices that you really need to look at – carefully – before you consider becoming a caregiver for your parent.

One: Don’t do this.  Find another relative, or placement in a home.

Two: Or, if you do take the responsibility, do it differently than it   

          was done to you.

You have the opportunity to change your family dynamics.  If you didn’t grow up in a home that created a nurturing atmosphere, you have the opportunity to create one now.

If there are other siblings that can help, hold a family meeting and discuss all the alternatives and strategies that can be used.  There are many families who won’t come to some agreement about how to take care of mom or dad.   Emotions are often high in these meetings.  It might help to invite the minister or the doctor to help clarify the type of care that will be needed. 

Get a clear understanding of what will be required from the person who will do the main care giving and have a consensus of how it will be done.  Remember one mother can take care of four children, but four children can rarely take care of one mother.  I have heard this said many times from the older generation.

There may be resistance from your parent so bringing them into the decision making process is very important, that is if they are able to understand what is happening.  Remember, you are becoming a parent FOR your parent and not to them.  There is a big difference when you do something for someone rather than to them.